Jeanette-ic Disorder

…I remember touching the small bones in the center of Veronica’s chest.  I remember her surprise at being touched that way, the slight shift in her facial expression, as if feelings of love and friendship had been wakened by the intimate touch. The subtle muscles between her chest bones seemed to open a little.  Then I left.  I never should’ve touched her like that and then turned around and left, leaving her chest opened and defenseless against the feelings that might come into it — feelings of love and friendship left unrequited once more. I put my head on my knees.  I fantasize giving Veronica a full-body massage, with oil, with warm blankets wrapped around the resting limbs.  Drops of sweat would’ve rolled from my arms to melt on her skin.  When I finished, I would’ve held her in my arms.  Except she never would have allowed any of that.  She only responded to the chest touch because I took her by surprise.