I don’t know what, exactly, I imagined 26 would look like, but it certainly wasn’t this. It’s weird — even in my earlier twenties, I always saw it as a really far-off age — ***the latter end of your mid-twenties***. And now, here I am. I associate this number with ADULTHOOD, but in many ways, I still feel like a girl. Don’t get me wrong — I have a college degree, work a salaried job, do my laundry, drive myself around, and cook every day. But I still take selfies. I still cry to my mom and ask her to hold my head in her lap and stroke my hair when I get a migraine. I still put on midriff-baring blouses, go out, and shamelessly freak-dance with my girlfriends. I still live in my parents’ house, even though they’re in Florida for a third of the year. I’m nowhere close to being engaged, I don’t have anything resembling a biological itch to birth a baby, and I’m still not sure of where my life is going or how everything is going to come together someday. There’s this overwhelming sense that my current life is temporary, that I’m biding my time and waiting to turn some magical corner, that my *real* life — my settled, grown-up life — is waiting for me, just around the bend.
Am I still going to be doing this shit when I’m 28? When I’m 30? Because truly, at this point, that’s not very far away.
Is ‘maturity’ a myth? Are there some people who never really grow up? Am I doomed — or blessed — to be one of them?
I dare you to live your life as close to the core as you can.
Love you exquisitely.
[Have I mentioned how much I love my peeps?!]
To your voice, a mysterious virtue,
to the 53 bones of one foot, the four dimensions of breathing,
to pine, redwood, sworn-fern, peppermint,
to hyacinth and bluebell lily,
to the train conductor’s donkey on a rope,
to smells of lemons, a boy pissing splendidly against the
Bless each thing on earth until it sickens,
until each ungovernable heart admits: “I confused myself
and yet I loved—and what I loved
I forgot, what I forgot brought glory to my travels,
to you I traveled as close as I dared, Lord.”